the easiest thing to do in life is give up. throughout all the shitty times in my life; rehab, losing all my friends, feeling completely lost in the world, having a restraining order on the one person i wanted to spend my time with… i didn’t think things could get any worse. until my best friend went away for 9 months (glad she’s finally back now, for good. but saying, i had absolutely no one in the world.) throughout the pregnancy, helping my boyfriend through his heroin addiction, and 2 months clean from cutting myself, i know that life can get tough and throw curve balls, but the thing is as long as you don’t give up, things always get better. people are always gonna have shit to say about you, who cares? just believe in yourself and smile and say fuck it. the shitty times in my life have actually brought me closer to my family, God, and made me a better and less naive person. and at the end of the day, i’m extremely proud of myself and all that i’ve accomplished and grown in the past year. i still have so much learning and growing up to do and that will come in time and time will eventually come, but never end… instead of being a 16 year old junior in high school, hanging out with friends and going to parties like i should be, i’m focused on becoming a good mother and learning to become a dependent person. sometimes it’s questionable but this is the path God wanted for me. I know a lot of people I used to be friends with are barely keeping their heads above the water with their struggles and addictions. and i sympathize for them, however if they really wanted to change, they would. don’t ever say you don’t have control over anything. you have complete and full control of your actions. it’s a choice. each and every time. take responsibility for it.
i’m pretty excited about the future right now. i try not to focus on the past because all of it is honestly too depressing. right now watching old disney films (collecting all of them) and going baby shopping is what makes me happy. every day i feel stronger as a person. it’s a constant up and down rollercoaster but i know as long as i can hang in there that it will all be okay in the end. i’m looking forward to Halloween. even though i can’t dress up cute or party this year, my boyfriend and I are taking my siblings trick or treating and we are going to rent a bunch of scary movies. i’m looking forward to a wonderful thanksgiving with my family. i will really appreciate it this year because last thanksgiving i spent in rehab, alone and miserable. i’m looking forward to christmas, a time to give and a time to receive. and this christmas, my son will be here. i’m looking forward to new years and new beginnings. cozy hoodie weather. getting my pre-pregnancy body back. going to disneyland on spring break. and overall just growing as a person and creating a deeper more meaningful relationship with the ones i love. when life seems like it’s going to hell, just remember to never, never give up. the world can be a cold dark place if you choose to view it that way, and sometimes it is. but it can also be so beautiful. from my pictures on here i probably look extremely shallow, yes i have an appreciation for expensive and beautiful things. but it doesn’t define me as a person. there’s a lot more to me than that that i can’t put into words. “stand tall, it gets a little better.”